The couple seemingly tries to make every effort to have a civil break-up but throw in a cross country move to Los Angeles, advice from third parties and years of built up resentment and before you know it, their best laid plans spiral out of control.

Of course, there are some significant lessons from “A Marriage Story” that are worth sharing.  There were two scenes in particular that were full of relatable “a ha” one-liners:

Nicole’s Conversation with Nora: Nora, a divorce attorney asks Nicole to share her and Charlie’s story.  In tears, Nicole exclaims that Charlie isn’t a terrible person but as she goes on, it becomes clear that they have slowly grown in two different directions on their life paths.  Nicole shared how they met and how a part of her became alive when she was with Charlie. Then she goes on to share so many reflective gems:

•  “All the problems were there in the beginning too. I just went along with him and his life because it felt so damn good to feel myself alive” 

• Over time, she “had less and less weight” in the union and that she “got smaller” 

• Then she goes onto have an epiphany: “I realize that I had never really come alive for myself, I was just feeding his aliveness” 

• “I didn’t belong to myself” 

• “He just put me off” 

• “He truly didn’t see me…..he didn’t see me as something separate from himself”

The Fight between Nicole and Charlie: This scene takes place after the knock-down-drag-out court scene where the respective attorney’s basically ripped Nicole and Charlie to shreds. Nicole goes over to Charlie’s new LA apartment and what begins as a request to be flexible about changing a visitation date blows up to release years of resentment and 

• “I was your wife, you should have considered my happiness too”

• “You were happy, you’ve just decided you weren’t now”

• After Nicole reminds Charlie of their talks of moving to LA and his resistance, he claims, “ I was not privy to that thought process”

• “You’re fighting for something you don’t even want”

• “You’ll think you found some better opposite guy than me, but in a few years, you’ll rebel against him because you need to have your voice, but you don’t want a voice. You just want to fucking complain about not having a voice”

• “You gaslighted me? You’re a fucking villain!”

• “You want to present yourself as a victim because it’s a good legal strategy?”

• “You chose this life. You wanted it until you didn’t”

• “You always made me aware of what I was doing wrong, how I was falling short. Life with you was joyless”

• “You wanted so much so fast. I didn’t even want to get married”

• “You didn’t love me as much as I loved you”

And it gets worse :-(. This conversation made me cry but it is so familiar for both my past experiences as well as some of my client’s. I think that “A Marriage Story” is one film that every couple should see because it impactfully showcases the inside out dissolution of a relationship when people grow apart over the years. Just do yourself a favor and watch until the end 🙂

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This is the time of year when everyone is jumping on the New Years resolution bandwagon. The Huffington Post rated the top 5 New Year’s resolutions are:

1. Save more, spend less
2. Spend more time with family & friends
3. Lose Weight
4. Live a healthier lifestyle
5. Enjoy life to the fullest (good old carpe diem)

Do any of these sound familiar? Ok … moment of truth … have you made any of these resolutions for multiple years? Trust and believe, you are not alone. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day was one of my resolutions for at least 4 or 5 years.

I want to challenge you to get rid of resolutions. Instead, start a REVOLUTION. By revolution, I mean make a radical commitment to do something that’s going to make the new year different than any of those other years where you’ve recycled your new year’s resolution.

Here’s a couple of ways to start your own New Year’s Revolution:

1. Find & focus on ONE revolutionary goal – Don’t overwhelm yourself with a long, laundry list & try to do EVERYTHING (gym every day, going vegan, save money, get a promotion, travel to 10 cities). Don’t put that kind of pressure on yourself. When you have too many things you’re focused on, you lose momentum quickly because your attention is all over the place. Instead, laser focus onto ONE GOAL that you can realistically accomplish this year. There is nothing wrong with thinking big but focus on one, core objective for the year. Break it down into smaller baby steps if you need to but be sure to take action every single day.
2. Be honest with yourself: How badly do you want it? When you’re deciding what you want to accomplish this year, be sure to ask yourself if it’s a wish or a want. A wish is just a passing thought but a want is something you’re willing to execute. Personally, I wish that I could sing well….but the way my voice is set up “happy birthday” is the only thing you’ll ever hear me sing out loud. I am not willing to take voice lessons, do daily vocal exercises, learn to read music or anything else required to be a good singer. Therefore, this is just a wish for me, not a true, genuine want. Make sure that your goal is something that you really want, something you’re passionate about, something that scares you a little, something that is going to change the trajectory of your life.
3. Honor Your Promise To Yourself. Throughout this year, as you’re working towards your revolutionary goal, remember that this goal is a promise to yourself.

In the same way we make promises to everyone else, we have to permit ourselves to keep that promise. Promise yourself that this year will NOT be like the others with broken resolutions and regret and disappointment. Keeping your promises to yourself is part of self-care and if you don’t take care of yourself, who will? Make it non-negotiable! LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH to honor your promise to yourself.

Stay tuned next time for Part II of New Year’s Revolutions…

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