The Myth of Ownership

Lesley Gore was 17 years old when she recorded “You Don’t Own Me” in the early 1960s, just as feminism was just beginning to pick up steam (google the lyrics). That’s probably also around the time that her inner bad-ass was beginning to bud and emancipate her and others from the crazy notion that we are the property of our significant others.

Perhaps one of the hardest pills to swallow is that despite how much love and devotion the relationship exudes, we don’t own each other.  In theory, this seems like a no-brainer but if we’re really being honest, how much of our behavior indicates our subconscious belief that we actually own another human being.  Hell, our children do not even belong to us, when we really think about it.

I believe that we all are extensions of Universe/Spirit/Source/God/Allah or whatever name we call our Higher Power. We are simply here to love and take care of one another in our individual journeys through life. Our relationships are not permanent. They are seasonal and are designed to teach us lessons. No matter how strong the bond, we should all feel freedom in those relationships and not feel weighed down, tied to or guilt for wanting to leave. 

Paulo Coelho drives this point home in his book, “Eleven Minutes”. It’s about a young girl who experiences love, heartbreak and ultimately, self-discovery. This book completely changed my perspective. Here are my favorite quotes from “Eleven Minutes” by Paulo Coelho.

• “Let us love one another, but not try to possess one another”
• “Anyone who has lost something they thought was theirs forever finally comes to realize that nothing really belongs to them”
• “At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss”
• “Really important meetings are planned by the souls long before the bodies see each other”
• “When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself”
• “In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feeling and cannot blame someone else for what we feel”
• “Love is not to be found in someone else, but in ourselves, we simply awaken it. But to do that, we need the other person. The universe only makes sense when we have someone to share our feelings with”
• “The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility. Anyway, if my love is real (and not just a way of distracting myself, deceiving myself, and passing the time that never seems to pass in this city), freedom will conquer jealousy and any pain it causes me since pain is also part of the natural process.”
• “Anyone who is observant, who discovers the person they have always dreamed of, knows that sexual energy comes into play before sex even takes place. The greatest pleasure isn’t sex, but the passion in which it is practiced. When the passion is intense, then sex joins in to complete the dance, but it is never the principal aim.”