Anyone who knows me knows that I absolutely LOVE a good quote. In fact, I am the queen of quotes. They are plastered all over my social media pages. I find both comfort and wonder in the magical formula of words. (Fun Fact: When I was younger, I dreamed of being a writer. Now, I get to live my dream of writing through the Rise and Shine Blog)
A good quote can convince like nothing else can. On my birthday, I saw a quote on @theshelahmarie that literally stopped me in my tracks because it expressed (so simply and so eloquently) what my soul has always known and felt. Ready? Here it goes:
“Men have built-in self-care … it’s called women. Men don’t have to worry about finding time for self-care because women take care of a lot of their world so they tend to not feel like they are neglecting themselves.”
Wow! How fucking profound is that? Although undeniably true, this one kinda stung my ego. As a woman, I am all too familiar with the delicate art and science of balance that women contend with on a weekly, daily and sometimes hourly basis. We struggle with juggling career, home, cooking, relationships, children, friends, and God forbid you have a hobby or interest just for yourself.
No wonder we’re so damn tired and no wonder we almost immediately think of a 30 minute bubble bath as self-care instead of things like having boundaries, leaving toxic relationships, speaking up, standing up for yourself and fucking saying “no” from time to time instead of living up to some misogynistic “good girl” standard.
And in true suppressive form, Society adds a layer of shame to our already burdened souls. Society tells women to be ashamed for being selfish, ashamed for being single, ashamed for marrying, ashamed for making more money than their male counterparts, ashamed for not wanting to have children, ashamed for having too many children, ashamed for going back to work after having children, ashamed for staying home. Let Society tell it, it’s NEVER ENOUGH. We’re constantly chasing some lame-ass idea of “having it all” and “being it all” and “doing it all. It’s fucking exhausting and counterproductive to honoring our true essence.
This socialization of self-care starts in childhood. Girls are taught to take care of their dolls (who remembers the “baby alive” doll?) while boys are out demolishing Tonka trucks and building Leggo houses. As teenagers, girls are usually taught to cook, do laundry and take care of everyone while boys are taught to be complete, look out for #1 and to dominate all facets of their lives from their sports teams to their careers to their women.
And, in true form, self-care is marketed to women under the guise of face masks, wine, manicures, and pedicures. We’re given permission to “be selfish” for an hour. But what’s wrong with women being as selfish as men are taught to be….not for an hour but for a lifetime? What’s wrong with teaching our girls to look out for #1 and dominate their world? What’s wrong with men being the built-in self-care for women?
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